A New Year.

I met a woman today who made me feel so good about my life choices in the most unusual way.

She told me to stop apologizing. She explained that my moral compass and my heart will tell me how to feel, think and act how I deem necessary. That by no means does this mean I’ll never have to apologize again in my life, but that if I feel I’ve done the right thing in my heart, not to dwell on it.

Next, she told me to learn to say no. She explained that nothing and no one are more important than my health and my happiness.
That by saying no it’s not saying I don’t want to spend time with you, or this/that is more important. It’s simply an “I can’t today, how about another time” or “I’m sorry, I’m tired and need a ‘Lisa’ day”.

She made me realize that I need to begin taking time for myself and the things I want to do. After all, life is about being happy, not creating happiness built for others that pulls you down.

That being said. My New Year Resolution is to take things slow, enjoy each day for what it is – a blessing. I’m going to remind myself that it’s totally and completely ok to say no to plans, ideas or suggestions of any kind if it’s not truly what I want/need. More importantly for me, I’m going to stop apologizing for the sake of apologizing. I’m so quick to say I’m sorry for any little miscommunication or difference in opinion from those around me. I let other people’s unhappiness or uncomfortableness with themselves or my grief tear me down; and I’m done.

This is me. Take it or leave it. I know struggles will always come and go, I know that this year life has thrown me and all of my loved ones curve ball, after curve ball and that’s ok. Through all of the hardships I’ve learned a lot, I held a beautiful baby boy and loved him unconditionally, I fell in love with my husband all over again, and I was reminded of the guardian angels who sit around me day in and day out in the form of some of the best friends I’ll ever know in my life.

Grief can be ugly and nasty. It can take a seemingly normal life and make it a living hell. Losing a child is gut wrenching in every way, BUT has so much beauty wrapped into it. Somewhere along the way, I began to lose myself, and today, Ms. V reminded me of who I am and what my son wants me to stand for. I am Tyler’s mother. I am strong. I am weak. I am broken-hearted, yet I am loved.

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I would live this life 1000x over just to hold you again. It is because of you that I know the true meaning of love.

 

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