Two years.

I can’t believe this is my reality. I can’t believe that he’s not here and we have to celebrate without him. I can’t belive that I birthed the most perfect little boy, but only got to hold him for such a short time. My heart, my soul, my mind, and body; every fiber of my being, misses my son.

I can believe he made me a better person. I can belive he made me a mom. I can belive that no matter what this life brings me, I know that he’ll always be the one leading me down the path I’m supposed to take.

Today I want to celebrate through the tears. I want to smile, laugh, and not take a single second for granted. I want to reminisce on the memories he left me with. I want to give back, and spread his love. I want to make him proud by being the best me I know how.

Child loss is ugly. It’s gutwrenching in every sense of the word. It is a hurt that leaves a gaping wound that will never close. Many bereaved parents suffer silently for a lifetime, I will not. Not a moment of my life will ever pass where a perfectly shaped ‘T’ isn’t missing from my heart. I am constantly aware of his absense and I plan to use my hurt to better others. I want to turn my suffering into good, because of him. Tyler’s purpose gave me purpose and I refuse to let that go to waste.

Today I will go buy a cake. Our family will go to dinner in celebration of your life. I will love Abigail with no end and hold her just a little tighter. I will say your name proudly and pay it forward in your honor. Most importantly, I will love you now and always. My gift to you on your second birthday is life, through me. May your memory never be tarnished nor forgotten, Bubba.

Happy 2nd birthday T man!