Well world, we did it! We completed the 5k heart walk to support CHD in Los Angeles this Sunday in our little mans honor. It was rewarding and difficult all wrapped into one. My heart continues to break in Tyler’s absence but is overflowing with the love and endless support that our family and friends have shown towards us!
We walked among some true warriors this weekend. Children that have gone through more in their short lives than most of us will ever face in our own, adults who overcame this awful disease and are now flourishing! Even adults and children who are living lives with more scheduled surgeries in their near and/or distant future. Of course, the hardest to stomach were the families like ours. The ones who have lost their loved ones to this God awful birth defect. All walks of life surrounded us as we trekked Griffith Park for 3.1 miles. You could literally FEEL the love around you among all of those who attended.
Tyler’s Warriors came in as one of the events top teams! Woo-Hoo! We raised over $1,400 and had 12 walkers there beside us to make a total of a 14 man team. I know for a fact that Tyler watched in awe as we all smiled and shared his memories. We set out to make him proud and raise awareness, and that’s just what we did! Our sweet son was taken all too soon and I vow to do anything in my power to spread his name and love all over this broken world. His smile left you feeling complete and I know that I’ll forever cherish the weeks we had with him.
I have always held strong to my faith but lately I’ve felt a strong disconnect from the Lord. I have so many questions and I know majority of them I’ll never have answers too; at least not in this life. If you’re reading this, and are a believer in Christ, I ask that you say a prayer for us tonight. Not just for me or my husband, but for our angel – and the rest of our family and friends (possibly even yourself) who have been deprived of the chance to know Tyler. Not only as an infant but, a toddler, a pre-teen, an adolescent and a man. I am often reminded of how much we’ve now lost out on. Seeing his face on the back of our t-shirts made me smile with joy that he’s still here, in some way, shape, or form. However, it broke me to know that his photos and our memories are all that we have left to hold onto. He was so pure and sweet that I often find myself thankful he didn’t know heartbreak, or pain, outside of the hospital pins and pricks.
The anger that has built up inside me is frightening. I would give the world to have saved my little boy. I know now that my purpose in this life is to help save others. Tyler will never come back to us, and I know that but I pray that we will eventually go to him. I do intend to have him live on through Billy and myself. Wether that be by fundraising, raising awareness for CHD, sharing his smile with all of those around us or simply walking a 5k… we WILL help. We WILL spread Tyler’s name to the world. I won’t let my little man down, not now, not ever.