I realize I most likely did this backwards. I told you about my son before I explained a little about myself. First of all, my son is number one, so in my book this story has been written perfectly – with him first.
I’m pretty new to the blog world, but hope that I can reach at least one person in need, if nothing else. Coping with the loss of a child is a delicate and painful experience. Depression can set in quickly or gradually over time; but one things for sure, it’s a slow killer. Often times parents of lost little ones find themselves facing their new world alone, even when they’re surrounded by people. Learning to live with our new reality after such a tragic loss is a maze of emotion that I’ve only scratched the surface of. My journey is beginning with you. If you’re the mother or father of a butterfly baby, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me; thus far I’ve found the most comfort when talking with someone who can relate to how I’m feeling.
I am a 27 year old ‘army wife’ from Houston, Texas, a recent mother and an avid dog enthusiast that loves to travel and blare country music whenever possible. My life recently rounded a very dark corner after losing Tyler. I have always been the spunky, upbeat type, but lately I’ve run out of spark. I met my husband when I was 19. We definitely don’t have that “storybook romance” but we always seem to find our way back to one another after all of life’s hardships. He is my rock, my one and only, my always and forever. (Yeah, cheesy – but all so true!) I pray that if you’re struggling with the loss of a child, you are not suffering equally in your marriage or relationship. At the time of Tyler’s passing we were warned of the strain such a loss can put on a couple – boy was that right! My best advice to any grieving parent is to try to stay strong for one another. If you’re having a bad day, lean on your partner for support – when you see them begin to suffer, become their solid ground. I always try to think about what Tyler would want when small arguments arise and I begin to feel tension building between us. That tiny miracle you held in your arms was only possible because of the love you two once shared – try and get back there. Don’t lose yourselves in the midst of such tragedy.
Our story began in the small town of Lubbock, Texas where we lived for the first two years of our lives together. In 2011 my husband decided to join the U.S. Military as a 19K in the ARMY, and shortly there after we were off to South Korea. Although our time there was short, we experienced a lot and made some life long friendships that we’ll carry with us forever. Fast forward two years and we found ourselves at Fort Irwin, California, smack dab in the middle of death valley and quite literally in the middle of nowhere. It was here that we made the decision to begin trying for a family of our own. On Mothers Day 2015, I surprised my husband with a family photo shoot (can you imagine his excitement?). It was then that I told him the best news I’d ever received and the hardest secret I’d ever kept in my entire life – We’re Pregnant!!!
The next nine months went relatively smooth with a few bumps here and there. We felt our little man kick for the first time on August 30, 2015. I can still remember the excitement I felt in that moment. In October I was diagnosed with a slight placental tear and not even a month later, with gestational diabetes. Despite the set backs we were both still beside ourselves with the excitement of what was to come – Mister Tyler Matthew!
He has been and always will be, our greatest gift from God.